Just Like That
by cathedralsinmyheart
Summary: Two best friends learn a lot more about eachother during their Senior year at band camp then they may have learned in their fourteen years of friendship. Please R&R.
1. Has Anybody Ever Felt This Way?

If you've ever been part of a marching band then you would know what it is like to stand on that field, in the sun for hours straight, as directors and drum majors yell commands. Minutes soon become eternities and you no longer have any sense of self control. You are a robot, stiff and precise; part of something much larger than yourself. You conform your movements to stay in sync with the others. That sense of individuality that you once had is now taken from you and all you can do is move yourself over hashes and yard lines, hoping that you don't miss a note or beat and that you are on the right foot.

These are the kind of things that start going through your mind as you stand there on that football field, in the scorching sun nonetheless, for hours on end. Any command that is yelled must be done without error. "If there are more than three hundred of you on that field, and two hundred ninety-nine start with their left foot and then one person starts with their right foot, the audience's eyes will go straight to that person that made the mistake. The crowd looks for error."

Those are words to live by, according to Director Burke.

Basically, there is not much room (if any) for error. Rumor has it that Director Burke had been in the President's Own, or the US Marine Band. And that that was why he was such a strict and organized director. But when you think about it, you notice that it is almost impossible for him to have been part of that band. Why would someone who was a world-class musician like that end up teaching at some high school to make a living? Surely he would find a better job.

My mind had finally reached its breaking point and had wandered about three hours into the instrument-free rehearsal. I'd been trying to keep my mind off of Ethan, even though I was really starting to like him. There was no away that I could start dating him though. He was supposed to be my best friend, not my boyfriend! God, it'd be like that show Dawson's Creek. I didn't want our relationship to be messed up by a romantic one.

The dreaded whistle is what startled me and snapped me out of my daydream. I mentally reminded myself that this was just the first day of three at away band camp. I then noticed that my line had drifted out of cover up for the set we had been doing and thrown the entire field off.

Director Burke eyed me (how did he know it was my fault?) with a look that said, "You are in for a lecture." The look wasn't a death stare, but I knew that he was serious.

Right now, he meant business; he told us to fall in by the podium he was on and asked us to sit down. Ethan was by my side in a flash and we sat down near an orange yard marker without saying a word. I could tell by the way Director Burke was sweating and sunburned that he wanted to get off of the field just as much as everyone else, and that he had almost reached a breaking point himself. Nevertheless, he started his lecture with this: "I don't mean to be mean here people, and I know that it's getting hot. But I need you to listen." His voice carried. This was the reason why this guy never needed a megaphone. He sat down on the podium and reached for his water bottle. "This band is all about you guys. It has almost nothing to do with me. I teach _you_ how to be a band and then it is _you_ that follows through and stays dedicated." He took a long sip from his water bottle and checked his watch. "The President's Own." he said, smiling as he pulled the bottle away from his mouth. A few people groaned. "Those people are dedicated, committed. And yes, they get paid, and yes they enjoy what they do. But you can get paid and have fun as well. And while it sounds pretty corny, I want to say this: you may not see how you can get paid from this experience, but one day you_ will _see. And when you realize it you will feel that you were here for a good reason.

"Until then you must realize that those people started right where you are now. Their high school football field. And they did and still do exactly what you do. They march. Only they understand their dedication. To them it is not a sentence. They aren't forced to be there. The members of that band will stand there still and proud, sometimes to the point where a few may pass out because of the heat. While that sounds a bit crazy, it's true. I understand that this is not the President's Own, but this is a this is a marching band and I expect each and every one of you to at least pay attention for the duration of practice and give me your all." He took another drink from his water bottle, capped it, and gingerly placed it beside him. That's when I felt Ethan's knee lean on mine. My eyes suddenly darted from the top of the podium to our touching knees. Ethan pretended not to notice. I pulled my knee away in hopes that I could train myself to not like Ethan like that. I looked back up at the director and waited for him to continue.

Then he eyed me, and I swallowed long and slow. Director Burke never got angry. But I knew what he might be up to and I didn't want to be singled out. I began to pray that he wouldn't make us do drill downs. Or go back to the basics block.

A smile spread across his face, as if he knew exactly what I was thinking.

"How about a break from the show?" he said calmly. A few people murmured in response. We all knew what he was up to; were going to be forced to do drill downs. He checked his watch, and then, after a slight pause, he said, "Enjoy your lunch. We'll be back in an hour and a half."

Everyone got up and ran, exhibiting the last drops of energy left from breakfast. This morning's rehearsal had been grueling, and Director Burke knew it. People stormed into the mess hall as though it was their last meal.

I got up and started walking towards the mess hall, still kind of out of it from the heat, when Leandra, Ashley, Lynn, Jenn, and Meredith began to crown around Ethan and I. "It's way too hot for us to be out here." Leandra said as she fanned herself with her drill book.

"Tell me about it." Lynn answered, fanning herself with her drill book as well. I knew what was going to happen next. Jenn (the one who usually started these fights) grabbed her rolled up drill book from her back pocket and started whacking Ashley and Meredith. Soon Lynn and Leandra started in, purposely leaving Ethan and me the only two not involved. "Let's leave those two lovebirds alone." I heard Lynn yell as the group ran to get lunch. I rolled my eyes at such a thought and went to ask Ethan what was for lunch when I noticed that he was looking a bit flushed. I asked him if he was feeling okay, despite the fact that I know he hates when I do it. I don't play games when it comes to Ethan though.

He didn't answer me. Something was definitely wrong.

"When's the last time you checked your sugar?" I say quietly so that only Ethan can hear me. When we reach the hall I pull him up to the side of the wrap around deck attached to the building so that it is just Ethan and me. My mind goes into emergency mode and I make him sit down on the nearest bench.

Ethan, my best friend of fourteen years, is a type 1 diabetic.

He's disoriented and for a moment I think that he cannot process my question. An "I don't remember." escapes quite harshly from him. His sugar level is obviously not where it should be. I pull up his shirt and instinctively go to make sure that everything is all right with his insulin pump that is usually located on the rim of his shorts. "It's not there." he says, panicked. By now he is a bit shaky and is sweating profusely. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"You just have to relax. All right?" Ethan nods; he trusts me to help him because he knows that I know what I'm doing. I turn around to get the nurse when I hear someone running up the wooden steps of the porch to the mess hall. It is then that I hear a voice, but cannot make out what they are saying over the noise bellowing from the mess hall.

"Is everything all right here?" This time the voice is much clearer. I turn around and see that it's Director Burke.


	2. Take My Hand

"Ethan doesn't feel well." I said as I sat down next to Ethan on the bench. "I think his sugar is too high."

"Brendan is in his cabin, right? He knows where Ethan keeps his kit?" Director Burke was definitely panicking.

"Yeah.."

"I'll get the nurse too. Just stay here and keep him calm." I knew the keeping him calm part all to well. How many times had I done this before? Too many times to count off the top of my head.

Ethan grabbed my hand after Director Burke left and started taking deeper breaths. His color was way off and beads of sweat were visible on his forehead. I could tell that he was getting colder and colder by the second, and so I took my sweatshirt that I'd had tied around my waist and placed it around his shoulders. I knew it wouldn't do much, but I didn't really care. I knew that by now he was feeling really dizzy and that by putting the sweatshirt around him he'd feel comforted.

"Julie, I'm sorry about this." Ethan's hand was beginning to get sweaty, but I grasped it tightly so that it wouldn't slip away.

"Ethan, you know that this isn't your fault."

"Heat always makes my sugar go-"

"Shhh." I interrupted.

"I shouldn't have taken my pump off."

"Just close your eyes and relax." I tried to keep him from wasting what was left of his energy.

Within minutes Brendan had found and brought Ethan's kit to us and the nurse and I expertly checked his sugar and reattached his pump to give him the necessary insulin to bring his sugar level down. It didn't very take long for Ethan to feel good enough to get up from the bench. The nurse suggested that we go to get a little something to eat, and, after assuring the Director Burke that Ethan would be okay, we walked into the mess hall and began to fill our plates with lunch.

"Don't tell anyone at the table what happened." Ethan whispered. I understood exactly what he'd meant. He hated being the center of attention, especially when it had to do with his diabetes.

"You really think I would?" I whispered as we both went for the macaroni and cheese.

"They're going to ask. We were gone for a good fifteen minutes and I look like hell right now."

"I'll come up with something. Just go along with it, all right?"

"You don't think Brendan will say anything to anyone, do you?" I'd never seen Ethan get so secretive about his diabetes. It wasn't like everyone in the room didn't know about it.

"Ethan, don't worry about it." I snapped. Immediately I knew that I'd said that at the wrong time. Ethan glared at me with one of his death stares, grabbed a fork, and walked away. I grabbed a fork and followed him, scolding myself for saying something like that to Ethan while his sugar levels were off. Doing something like that was always a recipe for disaster.

"What took you guys so long?" Meredith said in attempt to start a conversation when I got within two feet of the table. She grabbed her glass of lemonade and took a long sip.

"They were probably making out behind the mess hall." Lynn snickered. I sighed, loudly. Leave it to Lynn to be obnoxious and annoying.

"Guys, please!" I said and took a seat next to Ashley. Ethan quietly sat in the empty chair next to me.

"Look, Ethan even has sex hair. Makes you wonder what _really_ went on back there." Jenn couldn't help herself. There was a smirk on her face and she moved her chair as she pushed the food around her place to make room for the rest of us at the table.

"That is so not what happened." Ethan said as he took a forkful of macaroni and cheese from his plate. I studied him as I waited to see if he'd continue. He looked kind of weak, and his brown hair was messy from sweating, as it was sticking up in some places and flattened down in others. He pushed his hand through it quickly as an attempt to fix it. This only made it worse.

"Then what did happen? Did I just see you walk in with Director Burke. Did someone get in trouble?" I wanted to jump over the table and maul Lynn at that moment for continuing the conversation.

"I saw you pull Ethan over to the side as we were coming to lunch before." Leandra asked with her usual drama-seeking voice.

"Nothing crazy happened, all right? Director Burke had asked me last night to help him go through sheet music later for pep band. So, I had Ethan talk to Director Burke to help because I know he'd be able to pick out better music."

"You guys know that everyone is bored with the usual Sweet Georgia Brown and The Hey Song. I was thinking we could play Spiderman and some Disney music." Ethan quickly said and poured himself a cup of juice from the pitcher on the table.

When we were all finished eating, we went on our usual hour and a half break. The group wanted to play basketball, but Ethan knew that he wasn't up to it. Him and I sat on the wooden bleachers as we watched the group play.

It wasn't until Ethan grabbed my hand for the second time that day and said, "Thanks. For earlier." that I knew he wasn't upset with me. His voice was so soft and sincere. I let my hand lay limp in his, even though I wanted to smile and melt into his arms. I knew that I couldn't let that happen. Ethan and I were friends and I had promised myself that I would never let myself be more than that with him. Deep down inside I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep myself from liking him for much longer. I took a deep breath and held Ethan's hand back.

What was I doing? Was I ready for this? Was I ready for everything that this meant? I shrugged off all of the negativity that was building up in my mind and let the wall to liking Ethan down. I could barely believe that I was going to let things get complicated, but I knew that it was time to let go of the thought of Ethan as just my best friend. I'd known it the second that he had grabbed my hand and secured his in it earlier that day.


	3. Words Without a Sound

"You mark-time here until measure fifteen." Brendan, the main drum major, yelled over the megaphone from the top of the podium as he marked-time and counted to fifteen along with the annoying clicking of the metronome. "..fourteen, fifteen, move! Two, three, four, five six, seven, eight. Stop!" He turned off the metronome and flipped through his drill book. "You should be at set seven. Horns down and check your books with your formations." The entire band put their instruments down (though they hadn't even been playing) and scrambled for their drill books.

That is, everyone but the seniors. Meredith, my best girl friend who stood next to me when in ranks, put her flute down and looked at her watch. "When is this going to be over?" she groaned. Then she slapped her leg as though a mosquito had just landed on her. "I'm getting eaten alive and it isn't even five o'clock yet."

"I'm not sure I can take much more of this. We have what, less than an hour left until we get dinner?" I answered. I put my piccolo in my pocket of my sweatshirt so that I could rest my aching shoulders.

"Dinner. Ugh. What do you think tonight's meal is going to be."

"I don't want to know until I have to."

"Ethan said something about Philly cheese steak."

"That's disgusting. I think I'll be having peanut butter and jelly tonight."

"I think everyone will be having peanut butter and jelly tonight." There was a moment of silence, and then, "So, speaking of Ethan.."

"What about Ethan."

"You guys were holding hands during the basketball game before."

"Yeah." I shifted my weight. I knew that of all people Meredith was the one to vent to. "It's so confusing though. I mean, he's liked me, but never this much. Him and I agreed a while ago that we wouldn't go out because we might not treat each other the same if we broke up and I don't know..suddenly it's senior year and it's okay that all of that goes out the window?"

"Maybe it's just one of those things. Like the fact that everyone's going away to college..maybe he's just afraid of being away from you. "

"That's not for a whole year!"

"Still. You know he's thinking about it. You know that _you've _thought about it. I've thought about it. We all have."

"Maybe."

"Just watch out for Lynn. She's got her eyes on Ethan. Actually, Lynn has her eyes on more than just Ethan."

"Ethan would never go out with Lynn."

"You know how she gets around guys." Meredith slapped another mosquito on her leg.

"Rank leaders, make sure your sections are in line." Brendan let himself down from the podium and him, Jake, and Rachel made their rounds on the field to correct any errors. Meredith and I both stopped our conversation and moved from the middle of our line and walked up and down the row on the 40 yard line to make sure that we made the curve we were supposed to be making.

"Kormann, you should be on the hash line. And I don't see you there." Brendan had made his way towards the flute section and was interrogating the junior flautist that stood next to Meredith. She was the shortest girl in band and had blonde hair. She was also a gymnast and one of the best flute players in the county. Brendan stopped right in front of her and rolled his drill book up. There was a smile on his face. Meredith and I knew what he was up to.

"Hey ladies." He started smacking the drill book lightly against his palm. "You guys going to the football game tonight?" He was referring to the usual band camp football game that happened every year. Ethan and Brendan would be playing, along with all of the other band guys that weren't too afraid to get hurt while playing. Someone always got hurt. I wondered who it would be this year.

"Maybe yes, maybe no." Amy Kormann said with her arms crossed over her flute on her chest.

"You guys should come and watch the game. Especially you." he pointed to Amy Kormann and winked before walking away. "See you ladies later." we heard as he went on towards the clarinets.

"He likes you." Meredith said when Brendan was out of ear shot.

"I know. He's been at it for two days now. Last night he wouldn't leave me alone. The bus ride here was horrible. Imagine having someone tap your shoulder every five seconds to talk."

"Wow, that's a first! Usually girls are swooning over Mr. Brendan Pascoe." I said.

"Yeah, I know. He's kind of creeping me out though."

"What do you mean?"

"He's known me for how many years and now he decides to acknowledge my existence?" Amy was obviously feeling overwhelmed by Brendan. I wanted to tell her that he was harmless but I saw Jake coming and decided I'd finish talking to her later.

"Vesperio!" yelled Jake, the junior drum major. "I don't see you checking ranks." He was the most uptight of all of the drum majors, and the tone of his voice told us that he wasn't happy. Meredith tried to ignore him, and she turned her head to me and rolled here eyes. A second "Vesperio!" echoed down the field. Ethan turned around when he heard it; the glare of his trumpet had caught my eye and I couldn't help but keep my eyes there as he smiled and laughed at Meredith and me. No one liked dealing with Jake, and I knew that Ethan couldn't help but rub in the fact that we were about to deal with a psychotic drum major.

"I already checked. Everyone's in order." Meredith put her flute against her chest and crossed her arms. She absolutely hated Jake with a passion.

"Is that an attitude you're giving me?"

"No." she sputtered with even more attitude. She paused. Then laughed. Leave it to Meredith to do that. Give the drum major lip and then laugh. Before Jake could respond, a trumpet started playing Louie, Louie, causing Jake to go running. The other trumpets started in, Ethan included, causing a harmony to wave over the field. Everyone was laughing at Jake as he ran to stop the inevitable as the rest of the band attempted to play the song. There was not one person on the field that didn't know that this drove the drum majors and directors crazy. There was no way for them to make us stop, unless they threatened us with the megaphone.

The directors must have been really tired though, because Director Burke picked up the megaphone and, with a smile, told us to get an early dinner.

"Football game in one hour!" yelled Brendan with his hands cupped over his mouth. His voice was starting to go from yelling all day. "Teams have all ready been made. Everyone meet at the field at 6."

"Hey guys." Ethan had joined Meredith and me. "You going to the game?"

"Not sure yet." Meredith said. "Which team are you on?"

"Graham Bates' team with Brendan, and Ashley's brother Dan."

"Who's the captain of the other team?" I said. I wanted to ask Ethan if he thought he should be playing after his hyperglycemic episode, but decided to keep my mouth shut. Ethan could handle himself and I knew that if I asked him it'd be an argument.

"Mark Nitro."

"Who do you think is going to win?" Meredith said quickly when she saw Lynn come up beside us with her saxophone.

"I really don't know. We've got Brendan and he's really good, but the other team has Austin Whitman."

"Nitro's team is blue?" I started going along with Meredith to keep Lynn from talking.

"Yeah. Our team is white. Everyone got shirts after we made the teams at the last home band rehearsal. Tonight is going to be awesome."

"I'm so pumped for tonight." Lynn said as she pushed between Ethan and I.

"You're going to the game too?" Ethan asked.

"Of course!" Lynn laughed as she purposely did her obnoxious walk in front of us and went up the steps to the mess hall. We followed her and put our instruments away on one side of the hall set up with stands and chairs for in house rehearsal. We found our usual table and Leandra and Jenn started taking chairs down as Ethan and I went to get pitchers. I wasn't sure where Meredith and Lynn had gone, but figured they'd gone to the bathroom.

"So, are you excited?" Ethan said as we waited for the cook to fill our pitchers with lemonade.

"So excited." I said blandly. To be honest, I was feeling really wiped out. The sunburn on my face was beginning to hurt.

"You don't want to go?"

"I'm exposed to enough football during marching season. I don't even know what's going on half of the time. It's not so fun to watch a bunch of guys roll around on the field and fight for a ball."

"I thought the girls loved it." Ethan and I grabbed the pitchers from the cook and started walking to our table.

"Girls like Lynn do." I said without thinking.

"What?" Ethan said, sounding a bit annoyed that I'd said something of the sort.

"You know what I mean."

"No, I don't." I could tell that he was starting to get angry again.

"Ethan, are you blind? Do you know how many guys she is flirting with?"

"I thought Lynn was your friend."

"You know that her and I don't get along very well."

"That doesn't give you a right to talk about her like that."

"Are you sticking up for her?" We'd just held hands and now he was sticking up for Lynn?

"Maybe."

At this point I couldn't listen to anything else he had to say. I glared at him and got myself on the dinner line. I looked down at the steaming tray in front of me and saw it was Philly cheese steak; I quickly moved myself towards the peanut butter and jelly and started to make a sandwich, knowing that if I didn't get there fast that I'd be trampled by the rest of the band. People started running to line up behind me as I made my sandwich. From the corner of my eye I saw Ethan scratch the back of his head and leave the hall. He had looked more upset than angry, but I forced myself to stay in the hall and not go after him to finish talking. I knew that he was going to test his sugar before lunch and I knew that I wasn't allowed in his cabin anyway.

"Told you that everyone would want the peanut butter and jelly tonight." I heard Meredith say from the other side of the stand. A line was forming behind her as well.

"Yeah." I said. I was still upset, but made my way towards the salad bar. Meredith followed.

"I heard your fight with Ethan."

"It wasn't a fight." I insisted.

"Can we talk about something else?"

"You know that he doesn't like Lynn like that." Meredith tried to assure me. I glared at her as I ladled dressing on my salad. Then I got up and started walking away to go and sit at the table.

"Still. She's always going after someone that one of us likes. Ethan and me haven't even told eachother we liked one another. If she starts making her move, Ethan won't know what hit him."

"Do you really think that he'd go out with her? She isn't even his type."

"His type? Don't you remember when he tried to go out with Amanda? Lynn and Amanda are exactly the same. The long straight hair. The attitude. The smirk."

"The smirk?"

"I don't think I'm going to the football game."

"You're going, even if I have to drag you there."

"I thought that you didn't want to go!"

"I never said that I didn't want to go. I was thinking about it, and now I want to go."

"To the game?" Jenn asked. She had come up beside me with her plate stacked with Philly cheese steak. I felt my stomach turn. I had to look the other way to keep from getting sick.

"Yes to the game." Meredith answered. Each of us sat down.

"Who's at the game that you want to see?" I asked as Ashley, Leandra, and Lynn found their places at the table.

"Nobody." Meredith's face started to turn pink. I suddenly remembered her mentioning Austin the night before.

"I heard it was going to rain tonight." Leandra said.

"Yeah. It's supposed to pour." Ashley added.

"Does anyone know where Ethan disappeared to?" Lynn asked, breaking the conversation the rest of the table had just been in the middle of. She smoothed her straight black hair into a ponytail and began to eat her lunch.

"He went to check his sugar." I answered dryly.

"Who went to check their sugar?" Ethan said and smiled as he leaned on the back of Lynn's chair with his arms. I looked Ethan over. He was definitely built, probably from being on the swim team. But I hadn't really noticed it until just then.

"You're all right?" she said and smiled back.

"Yes ma'am." Ethan took the seat next to her. Then he took off his pump, clear cord attached, and put it on the table in front of him. Lynn's smile was gone in an instant. She moved her chair an inch to the right as if the plastic square was going to attack her. A chuckle escaped me as I tried to swallow a forkful of lettuce. "Are you choking?" Ethan jumped out of his seat and made his way behind me.

"I'm fine." I said, laughing. Ethan wasn't though.

"Just making sure. I'm going to get my dinner. Be right back."

"What was that all about?" Meredith asked me.

"Nothing." I took a bite of my sandwich and eyed Lynn as she stared at Ethan's pump. That's when Jenn grabbed it and started looking at it.

"How do you turn it on?" she asked as she looked it over. I grabbed it from her, hoping that she hadn't pressed any of the buttons. "Hey!" Jenn yelled.

"Did you press anything?"

"No. I was just looking at it." She was getting defensive.

"I said, did you press anything?"

"I don't know."

"It's programmed a certain way. Just don't touch it again, okay?" I looked at the screen and after reading the numbers on the screen, decided that it was all right. Then I put it in my pocket so that no one else would touch it.

"Okay." Jenn said quietly. Everyone at the table stared at me. It was silent and I began to feel uneasy. I had to get away from people and have some alone time. I bit my lip while I decided if I should stay or not, but finally decided that I wasn't hungry anymore. Without telling the group at the table that I was leaving, I got up and put my plate on the dishwasher belt. Then I left the mess hall and went back to the cabin. I could feel the tears starting to build up as I walked the path. My head was spinning. I was so upset with myself for allowing my feelings for Ethan come out. I was also confused. How come he was into me one second and then not the next? God, what had I been thinking? And why was he sticking up for Lynn all of a sudden? It started to drizzle, and I felt the little drops land on my face. Once inside I kicked off my muddy sneakers. Afterwards I climbed the steps to my bunk and buried myself inside of my sleeping bag, covering my head. I was hoping to fall asleep and miss the football game entirely. I knew that I'd have to be up by 8:30 to make it to the in-house rehearsal after the game, but I was too warm under my blankets to reach for my clock and set my alarm. I fell asleep before any more thoughts could surface.


	4. Maybe This One Will

What woke me up was the thunder that was echoing through the camp. It hadn't started raining yet, but I could only guess that the game was about to be paused. Then I remembered the game and everything that had happened at dinner flooded back to me. I groaned and looked at my clock; it was eight o'clock.

Like an idiot I jumped out of my warm sleeping bag and climbed down from my bunk. It was so cold that I could see my breath. My sweatshirt didn't make the chilling cold that had set in go away. I changed into sweatpants, put on chap-stick, and left the cabin. When I got outside it was even colder and the thunder was starting up again, so I put my hood up to keep from getting rained on, and placed my hands into the pocket of my sweatshirt. I felt a plastic cord and remembered that I had Ethan's pump. I started running to the field. Since no one had woken me up, I was assuming that Ethan had just given himself a shot before the game and that someone at the table had told him that I had his pump. It didn't matter; I ran anyway.

I reached the mess hall and saw everyone flooding in. My eyes searched the crowd and finally found Meredith. She pulled me over to the side of the building where I had pulled Ethan over hours earlier. She looked around to make sure that no one else could hear us, and began whispering. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just a little upset." I whispered back.

"With Jenn?"

"No. Myself. For ever thinking that Ethan liked me like that." There was a silence between us, and I could hear the thunder rolling more frequently. The sound of various instruments warming up was also filling the silence.

"We're having an early rehearsal because Burke thinks it's going to rain. The game was put on pause until further notice."

"Who's winning?"

"Brendan's team. But we only got through three quarters of the game." A roll of thunder went off. "Maybe we should go inside." she laughed. I smiled and we started for the door to the hall just as it began to rain. "Ethan was looking for you." She glared imploringly at me, as though she wanted to know why.

"I have his pump." I took it from my pocket and wrapped the cord around it. Then I saw Ethan sitting in his seat as he warmed up with scales. I also saw that his white shirt was full of dirt and grass stains. I told Meredith I'd be at my seat in a few minutes. "Ethan!" I waved his pump in the air as he put his trumpet down and turned around.

"Thanks." And then there it was. The smile. I felt my knees give way a little bit, but blinked a few times, straightened my posture, and locked my knees. "I was looking for this." he joked.

"I'm guessing you took a shot before the game?"

"Uh." he answered hesitantly as he hooked his pump up again. "Not exactly." His face was kind of twisted, as though he knew he was being caught for doing something he shouldn't have.

"Ethan.." I started.

"It's not a big deal Julie. Besides, I couldn't risk having my sugar go low on the field."

"Are you juggling doses?"

"What?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You're skipping doses, aren't you! That's why you didn't have your pump earlier on the field. That's why you're sugar was really high. I can't believe I didn't realize this before! You _always_ wear it. Even when you're at swim practice!"

"Calm down. I'm not skipping doses. You'd know. All right?" His voice was barely a whisper. "I can handle myself." Ethan said calmly. "I know how to juggle it with sports. I am an athlete you know." There was twinge of annoyance in his voice as though he felt I was being over protective. He pressed a few buttons on his pump, clipped it on his pants, and looked at me. "You need to chill out. You've been acting funny ever since we got to band camp. Are you running a fever or something? You know how you get delirious when you have a fever."

Funny? _I've _been acting funny? And I definitely did not have a fever. I took a deep breath and paused for a moment when I saw that this was about to become another argument.

"Can we talk later? Alone?" My voice was quieter now.

"Yeah."

"Lossner, get in your seat." Jake yelled to me. Without talking back, I walked to my seat and took out my piccolo. The lights flickered. An 'ooohhh' went through the room. Brendan made his way to the front of the room and stood on a table to conduct.

"Star spangled banner. Horns up." he yelled as he put his arms up to conduct. The room went quiet and everyone put his instrument up. His arms started to move and the snare drum began its roll. The band followed in afterwards. When we finished he put his arms down and stepped down from the table. Jake made his way up onto the table to conduct the school song.

"Horns up." The band put their instruments up and sat ready to play. His hands went up, marking the beginning of the song, and just before the first note of the song, a beeping pattern started. Jake put his arms down in frustration. Varying instrument notes went over the band, the stopped. The beeping began to get louder as everyone looked around the room to see what was going on. Jake's eyes went right to the source. "Ethan." he said sternly. "You know the rule about cell phones. Give it to me."

"It's not my cell phone." Ethan said as he unclipped his pump from his pants and began to figure out why it was beeping. The beeping kept getting louder and louder until it was starting to become an annoying high pitched squeaking.

"It's his pump." Brendan said from the chair he was standing on next to the table Jake was on. Jake didn't know what to say. The band started talking loudly. Ethan got up and went to Director Burke, said something, and left the hall running. I wasn't worried. I figured his batteries were dying and that he had to replace them.

"Come on people. We have a game on Friday. Horns up." Jake yelled over the whispers. The band quieted and put the horns up. We went through the school song and then the half time show without much error. By the time we were done, Ethan was back. The thunder and shower had stopped, and the boys started chanting the word game. Director Burke shook his head, declaring that the field was way too muddy and that it was much too dark out. He made us run through pre-game as well as the half-time show and then let us have some time to hang out.

"Curfew is eleven thirty." Brendan yelled over the racket of instrument cases closing and talking. I pulled my piccolo apart and placed it gently in my case. I felt like someone was watching me and looked up. It Ethan.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Ethan said softly.

"Yeah."

"Something is going on, and I have a feeling that I know what it is." he looked down at his feet. "It's me. You and me."

"Well.." I started.

"I kind of like you." Ethan said without looking at me.

"I kind of like you too." My voice was barely audible.

"You know what this means though. If we go out." Now he was looking me in the eye.

"Yeah, I know." I looked at him.

"So maybe we shouldn't." His words hung in the air.

"This has to do with Lynn, doesn't it."

"No. This has nothing to do with Lynn. I never liked her, and I never will."

"Then why do you not want to go out with me?"

"Because once we start going out we can't go back. We can't just decide that stuff never happened." The tone in his voice rose.

"I really like you Ethan."

"I know. But are we sure this is what we want to do? I'm afraid."

"I can't make up your mind for you. If you don't want to go out, then that's fine with me. But that doesn't mean we've found a solution. It's going to be weird and awkward and everyone is going to have something to say about us and-" Ethan grabbed my head while I was in the middle of my sentence and kissed me gently. My mind stopped spinning, and for the first time in a long time, all the world around me was still. I felt safe and warm, and as though nothing could go wrong.


End file.
